Working moms

Working moms are my heroes.

Unfortunately often they are unrecognized heroes.

After a long day of work outside the home, they go back to their families in the evening to find more work awaiting.

They never stop.

Someone may object “ they stop working when they go to bed at night”.

Well, not really. Going to sleep right away for mother is not a given. Their brains are always working, planning for the next day: school, lunches, office meetings, after school activities, doctor’ s appointments, grocery shopping, dinner, homework etc.

Even mere falling asleep becomes work.

I’ve always wondered how working moms manage to juggle their long list of duties and keep smiling.

Women are certainly resourceful creatures!

We’re givers in every sense.We  give all we have for the people we love.

The aspect that many people underestimate is the struggle. The struggle to take care of everyone in the family: the house, the office, aging parents, our pets and sometimes even the lonely coworker who needs you at 1:00 am.

Guilt.

I’ve never met a working mom who didn’t feel guilty.

When a working woman becomes a mother, things change. She’s now a working mom. The difference isn’t just in the words, it’s actually a whole different state of mind.

When a woman finds out about her pregnancy she automatically starts thinking, planning, dreaming about the big change in her life. This is not  just her life anymore.

Priorities change quickly for a working mom. After the baby enters the world, it’ all about his needs and spending as much time as possible with him.

Overwhelming joy and guilty feelings aren’t rare in working moms. Questions like “ Am I going to be too busy or too tired to bond with my baby? Is he going to be neglected? What will the consequences be for him? Will I miss the most important steps in my baby ‘s development?

What babies need.

In my opinion there isn’t only one answer to these questions. There isn’t only one rule that applies to all.

Every woman, every baby, every family is different.

My approach to this issue used to be a bit strict:  the only place for a mother is home with her children.

Some of you may think this is too reductive. Let me just say thatI was young and inexperienced.

My social environment was very judgmental towards women working outside the home.

No right or wrong.

That conclusion came to me after I became a mother of two. My enlightenment came with my personal experience.

Everyone should agree that there’d no right or wrong when it comes to working moms.

There are some good working moms and some bad ones; the same can be said for stay at home moms.

Balance.

Finding the balance between work, family and baby is the secret. It doesn’t take special powers , but the love of a mother.

We all know our babies need our love and care to be happy.

Unfortunately not everyone knows that a baby needs our love to thrive and develop properly. A recent Harvard research shows how important the bond between mother and baby is for their brain “s future development.

We can help our baby grow intellectually by bonding, interacting with him. How? It’s simple: talk to him, sing, play, massage his tiny body, show him new things.

Burn out.

The struggle for working moms is real. Time is never on their side. A normal day is too short. The list of things is way too long and 24 hours are not enough.

Being there for your baby requires energy, and sometimes you feel like the only place for you is your bed.

Stress and sleep deprivation are a  huge enemy for a mom.

Some women work in Avery stressful work environment, or they have an unsatisfactory job . That obviously makes things even harder for her.

On the other hand some women love their job and therefore they feel energized when they go home.Some of them feel like they have a purpose, learn new skills, make new friends, they have new challenges everyday.

When it’ s time to see their little ones, they  are recharged and ready to bond.

Stay at home moms.

Things aren’t any different for stay at home moms.

I was a stay at home mom by choice with my first child.I did enjoy it most of the time. We played and enjoy our time together. When he started school though it was hard for me. I felt like I didn’t have a purpose anymore.

With my second child  things changed . I was still feeling like I should have been home with him, instead to my surprise he asked me if he could go to the after school program where all the kids with working moms go. I took my opportunity and ran with it . I found a job that I loved. It worked for all of us; he was happy to play all afternoon and I wasn’t feeling guilty. That was a great relief.

The realization that doing something I loved wasn’t hurting my son made me understand that my guilty feeling was exaggerated. He basically asked me with the simplicity of a child for some space and independence. He needed time to socialize and so did I.

That was the beginning of a new chapter for me and my family.  The new challenge was finding a balance between work and family life. It wasn’t always smooth and certainly not perfect but it worked out at the end.

Perfection doesn’t exist.

My family and we’re  about to learn the  big lesson called flexibility. Everyone had to adjust to the big changes ahead of us.

Everyone is expected some sacrifice, but you are the one setting the tone in the new life.

Be flexible and tolerant to some whining, mess , crying babies, grumpy husband, dirty car and no clean dishes. It’s going to be a huge change with a lot of frustrating moments.

Don’t expect perfection because if you do you are setting everybody up for failure.

Remember, everyday will be different. Some days will be better than others. Don’t give up, because eventually life will get on the right track and it will become routine.

Love yourself.

Burn out is a very familiar word for me. I  neglected my needs for years before someone taught me that moms  have needs to. If you keep on taking care of your family everyday without recharging by doing something  to satisfy your needs, you will soon find yourself running on empty.

Many women ( including myself) give all their energy to loved ones and never dedicate some time to their own pleasure. Unfortunately in the long run they may end up resenting their children for not being able to fully live their lives.

Working moms vs. stay at moms moms.

1  Being too tired: Working all day, and sitting in traffic for a while can make drain any human being and mothers are no different.

2 Stress Work can be stressful especially if there ‘s conflict or even harassment in the workplace.

3 Missing important moments. Knowing that she may not be there when her baby says her first word , or walking for the first time is very upsetting. Later on she might miss important functions or meetings at school feeling even more frustrated.

Advantages for children of working moms.

A recent study from Harvard University explains the advantages that children of working moms have compared to their peers with stay at home moms.

They discovered some different behaviors even in men raised by a word woman. They tend to be more responsible and more aware of gender equality.They are more willing to help with chores and take care of the children.In general these children are more flexible because since a very young age they had to adapt to different schedules and different situations.I can easily say to a working mother not to be too anxious because her kids are learning  about life’s challenges from a positive role model. The girls will learn to be more independent, to be confident,, to have higher standards.

Compared to stay at home moms, they are less prone to depression because they are socially active and they have higher self esteem.

Furthermore working moms don’t let people ‘s criticism about the way her kids are raised, upset her.

Children will learn to be active part of the home management, by watching both parents taking turns doing chores and sharing responsibility. So , dear working moms , tomorrow you can go to work knowing that your children aren’t feeling neglected and they’re learning essential life skills from you.

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